Big Wig, Small Wig

This is your chance to ask questions that will be answered by either the most important or the most insignificant of our WMATA employees. (Note: Questions are randomly assigned.)

Dear Big Wig, Small Wig:

If possible, please assign this question to the Big Wig. My son wandered off at the Pentagon City Metro. I'm not sure if he ran toward Best Buy or Popeye's Chicken. I haven't seen him in three days. He's 6-years-old and cannot fend for himself. Help. Please. Again, this question definitely deserves the attention of a big wig.

Signed, Amber Alert

Your question will be answered by . . .

Brianne Keeler, Rat Poison Tester, Orange Line

Dear Amber,

No dice. You've got me. But all is not lost; I've got some great news. I'm dying. Normally, this would not be cause for celebration. I know. But, considering my job, it bodes well for your son. He may still be at risk for starvation, rabies, or, kidnappers, but at least he won't have to worry about rats. Best of luck! (If you don't mind...Please forward this to my parents. Subject line: Goodbye.)

******

Dear Big Wig, Small Wig:

I was observing trains turn around at Shady Grove (don't judge, lol) and noticed that I never see the same train twice. I'm just curious, how many train cars does Metro have?

Signed, Shady Guy at Shady Grove

Your question will be answered by . . .

Armand Morgan, VP of Inventory and Fleet Management, WMATA

Dear Shady,

Why do we park on driveways and drive and parkways? Do you see what I'm driving at? Dave Feldman wrote a great book about Imponderables, or questions that seem to have no answer. And while he proceeded to answer them, that is something I won't do.